Perfectionism is killing us. It is far more deceptive than we realize. It affects how we view ourselves and shapes our outlook on what is possible in our lives. It erases the opportunity for connections and healthy relationships. How do we learn to silence the negative voice and embrace what is good? How do we learn to live with ordinary courage in a wounding world?
Are you a perfectionist? Brené Brown, a research professor who has studied shame and vulnerability for more than a decade, says this is one of the three main ways people protect themselves from getting hurt. Brené explains why perfectionism is really just a form of armour. This trait is connected to shame and fear. This is what she says about shame and its minions…
“When perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. Shame is universal – we all struggle with feelings of inadequacy and the need to be perfect. I’m certainly not immune. If I’m in a bad place, a Pottery Barn Kids catalog can make me feel like an unfit mother (aren’t monogrammed beanbag chairs and gingham-lined baskets a basic human right?). However, after spending years interviewing hundreds of men and women about shame and resilience, I’ve learned a few things that have changed my life and that I believe are worth passing on to others. I have documented my research and my own personal shame journey in my books over the years which may help you understand how dangerous perfectionism really is and how freeing vulnerability can be: The Gifts of Imperfection, I Thought it Was Just Me, The Power of Vulnerability, Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong.”